Today I labeled it finally;

As if I wasn’t capable of that;

As if I wasn’t capable of laughing and loving

Because I “should have” been basking in shame for feeling my feelings and sharing my vulnerability with you: an empty dark hole that had me believe it glittered with life.

Far from it;

My years in exile Existed of:

Your conceited, vain, self- loathing “love”;

The use of the word coming out of your mouth, through that thick, dirty tongue

Made me sick and poisoned;

For a punishment I couldn’t point the reason to

Except that maybe when you saw me look at you:

In my cascades of white

You knew I saw your whimpering, empty shell

So you decided the animosity- the strong hostility as you tore me, would arouse you and complete you for the night.

Far from it;

My years in exile Existed of:

Indistinguishable articles of self- hate;

Your violent brush strokes

That made me purge

My innocent beauty;

My giving community

And the marvels of nature itself;

For you loved it when I was disconnecting

From all parts of the earth and beyond;

And when feeling 5 feet smaller

And not knowing the reason

As you camouflaged your way

Into my nerves and cells;

That smirk of yours when I would give up

would arouse you and complete you for the night.

Far from it;

My years in exile Existed of:

Exile from what?

Exile from the seeds of myself?

Maybe.

Except you were fooled; because

Broken children still want to play.

Today I labeled it finally:

Shame; guilt; anger; hate;

Love, beauty, peace:

What ever may befall;

You and your filth are not worthy

Of anything at all.

~By Maryum Khalid~

Art: Unknown

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