Today I labeled it finally;
As if I wasn’t capable of that;
As if I wasn’t capable of laughing and loving
Because I “should have” been basking in shame for feeling my feelings and sharing my vulnerability with you: an empty dark hole that had me believe it glittered with life.
Far from it;
My years in exile Existed of:
Your conceited, vain, self- loathing “love”;
The use of the word coming out of your mouth, through that thick, dirty tongue
Made me sick and poisoned;
For a punishment I couldn’t point the reason to
Except that maybe when you saw me look at you:
In my cascades of white
You knew I saw your whimpering, empty shell
So you decided the animosity- the strong hostility as you tore me, would arouse you and complete you for the night.
Far from it;
My years in exile Existed of:
Indistinguishable articles of self- hate;
Your violent brush strokes
That made me purge
My innocent beauty;
My giving community
And the marvels of nature itself;
For you loved it when I was disconnecting
From all parts of the earth and beyond;
And when feeling 5 feet smaller
And not knowing the reason
As you camouflaged your way
Into my nerves and cells;
That smirk of yours when I would give up
would arouse you and complete you for the night.
Far from it;
My years in exile Existed of:
Exile from what?
Exile from the seeds of myself?
Maybe.
Except you were fooled; because
Broken children still want to play.
Today I labeled it finally:
Shame; guilt; anger; hate;
Love, beauty, peace:
What ever may befall;
You and your filth are not worthy
Of anything at all.
~By Maryum Khalid~
Art: Unknown
Solitude In Silence 